How To Survive – And Own – A Blue New Year

A new year comes with high expectations. And this new year in particular was, perhaps, viewed with pleading eyes, desperate for a glimmer of hope to be born with that first sunrise on a new turn around the sun.

But January and February can still be dark months. The nights are long, the days are short and, disappointingly, they are very similar to those last days that we slogged through last year. They have the same names, the same number of hours, the same routine. There’s little, it would appear, new about them at all. 

And this can easily make our hearts sink a little.

We were desperate for a break, but even after a few days of festive respite, it feels like we’re right back where we left off. Monday to Friday. Locked down. Somehow more tired than before. And what about that new you that was promised with the new year? When are he/she/they going to show up?

The start of a new year is hard. It’s hard most years, but this year it feels harder than most. It doesn’t help that Blue Monday – not the New Order song – is slap bang in the middle of this Blue January. And although it’s a completely made-up concept, created to sell holidays, it doesn’t help the feeling that here we are right back where we were a month or two ago. The slog is real.

But there is hope. Because, just as Blue Monday is a fiction, so is the concept of “New Year”. Yes, of course, there is the irrefutable cycle of the seasons, but those dates – 25th December and 1st January – are completely made up. And so are the concepts of Monday to Friday. The 24-hour clock. Easter. Christmas. The August bank holiday. All man-made. Created by people with generally good intentions, and sometimes with the help of scientists or mathematicians, to help us understand our place in this world. Created by people just like us.

Only, not us.

And as much as we might hope that a new year means a new start, a new set of circumstances and a new us reborn to face them, we actually have no ownership over any of it. And so, unless we are particularly driven, inspired and motivated, we become a passive participant in someone else’s design of how our life should be organised. Subject to press releases flogging an idea of how we should be feeling in order to sell us a holiday. And that can leave us feeling blue. So, if a new year can’t save us, what can?

We can. Just as the concept of ‘new year’ was created by others, we can take ownership of our own fresh starts, any day we like. We just need to decide.

Create Your Own Plan 

The entrepreneur and author, Jim Rohn, famously said: “If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.”

Our society is constructed of other people’s plans. In most parts these plans are there to keep things ticking over in an orderly fashion. The hours of the day, days of the week, months and years help us keep track of things. Public transport gets people where they need to go. Money helps us exchange goods and services. Laws are there, on the whole, to reduce chaos and to allow us – all seven billion of us – to get along without too much friction. Conventions, traditions, etiquette, the “proper” ways of going about things. All plans created by people like us, but not us.

The new year is just such a plan. Our working week is just such a plan. The “conventional life” is just such a plan. Our whole lives, we fall into other people’s plans. Sometimes they work for us, sometimes they work for others, sometimes they keep things organised and well-managed. But sometimes, we need to empower ourselves to make plans of our own.

And those plans need to include giving ourselves what we need to take ownership of our lives in difficult periods, such as Blue Pandemic January. Giving ourselves the sleep, water, exercise and nourishment that we need to be physically healthy. And, just as important, giving ourselves the time, space and kind compassion that we need to be emotionally, mentally and spiritually healthy.

The start of the year can be a dark time, so we need to focus on finding the light for ourselves. Or at the very least, bedding down and ploughing on through until the light finds us.

January 1st is another day just like March 12th, September 4th, and October 23rd. It is arbitrary, merely a consensus of best fit. A group of people came together and decided that the 1st of January was as good a day as any to start the new year. “That’ll do,” they nooded in agreement. “It’s close enough.”

Taking Ownership

The Greek poet Palladus wrote: “Day by day we are born as night retires, no more possessing aught of our former life, estranged from our course of yesterday, and beginning today the life that remains.”

If we wait for a new year and a new us to somehow be presented to us according to someone else’s plan, then we’ll be waiting a long time. If we wait for a new normal to turn up as if by magic, we’ll end up falling into someone else’s idea of what normal looks like. If 2020 showed us anything, it’s how flimsy the man-made structures that we are so used to living by really are. So rather than waiting to be reborn according to someone else’s new normal, lets choose to be reborn according to our own new normal. Let’s take ownership of this new year, recognised it, and shift it in our favour. As Palladus says, day by day we are born, so instead of waiting for that first morning in January, let’s choose our own morning to be born afresh in the morning, with a fresh plan of our own. Maybe it’s today. Maybe it’s tomorrow. Maybe it’s a week from now. The choice is ours – but let’s choose.

But if you’re struggling right now, here are some thoughts to help lessen that struggle, and swing the pendulum in your favour.

Understand, You Are Not Alone

There is a global pandemic going on. Millions of people around the world have been stuck at home, unable to mingle with friends and family for almost a year. If they’re lucky enough to still have jobs, the pressure to continue being productive as if everything is completely business-as-usual, while home schooling children and missing out on that valuable vitamin D from the brief glimpses of daylight they used to get on their lunchbreaks or daily commute to work, is all taking its toll. 
Reach out to friends. Shoot the shit. Share notes. Let of steam and comfort each other. It’s ok to be feeling the strain and, guess what? Everyone else is feeling it too. Talk about it.

Find Time to Get Quiet

There’s a lot going on right now. The news is buzzing with a new President in America, new divisions in Europe, new strains of a deadly virus, and a constant stream of new things to worry about.

There is always something that needs our attention, so it’s really important that we find time to switch off for a few minutes every day. If you enjoy meditating, then make it part of your routine. If that’s not your bag, find some time to sit quietly, read a book, stare out of the window while you drink a cup of tea. Just do something with minimal mental stimulation, and own that time. If you have to get up half an hour early to get that time to yourself, do it.

Protect Your Energy 

Everyone in the world is tired right now. Those on the frontline in particular are really, really tired. But tiredness is like rocket fuel for anxiety, stress, depression and a whole host of other paralysing issues. Yes, you have responsibilities, yes your plate is full, and yes people are expecting a lot from you right now, but you can’t give your best if you’re not at your best. So prioritise sleep, hydration, nourishment, and exercise. Prioritise health – and remember that mental health is still health. Just because you’re not puking up or sitting with your leg in a cast doesn’t mean you’re fighting fit. If you’re overwhelmed, burnt out, stressed, struggling, anxious, panicking, then phone in sick. Take a day off. Seek help if you need to.

Prioritise you.

Forgive Yourself

If you’re struggling it’s easy to feel like you’re somehow failing, that you’re not coping as well as you should, or that you’re somehow letting everyone else down. But that kind of thinking only makes the struggle harder. Because guess what – the struggle is real, and the sooner you face it, the sooner you can deal with it before it deals with you.

So acknowledge you’re stressed. Accept it’s hard. Because it is, and you are. And that’s ok.

Nurture Pleasure and Seek Out Joy

Find a way to take a break. Ask your partner if they’ll look after the kids for the afternoon, and then do the same for them another day. Book a day off work. Do whatever it takes to give yourself a bit of time to chill out, to rest, to play video games, watch a film or read a book. Do a bit of gardening, watch the birds on the bird feeder, read up on Nietzsche, Tolstoy or Enid Blyton. Listen to music. Go for a run. Do more of the things that bring you pleasure. Or just have a lie in or a long soak in the bath. Nurture yourself, proactively feel good, and own it.

And when you find something that you enjoy, or you’ve had a pleasant experience, write it down in a gratitude journal. It’s easy to forget a fun conversation or a soothing sit down when you’re right back in the thick of it five minutes later. So make a note, and hold on to that feeling.

Keep Going 

Winston Churchill famously said: “when you’re going through hell, keep going.” Sometimes you’ve got to just knuckle down and get on with it. But give yourself something to look forward to, a reward, some light at the end of the tunnel. Make the hard work worth it, and own it as if it were your plan. And remember, as they say, you’ve survived 100% of your worst days, and you’ll survive this one too. You have the strength. You can do it.