Your Insecurity Is Getting In The Way of Your Awesomeness

Photo by David Werbrouck on Unsplash

You’ve got work to do. Important work. You know you have, but you’re just not doing it. It’s almost like you don’t want to do it. Why? Well, there are lots of reasons, and you can fire them off like a machine gun. But they’re really excuses, and you’re making them because it’s safer and more comfortable to be here nestled amongst the suffering that you’re familiar with than it is to take a step into the unknown and, you know, actually do something to improve your life.

Perhaps you disagree, and you’re welcome too. But how many times have you heard yourself say “I would do that but I don’t have the money”, or “I would do that but people will think I’m stupid” or “I would do that but nothing ever works out for me” or “if it fails I’ll have wasted all that time and effort, so I’d rather just sit here and waste the time and effort being miserable instead”?

How bad does it have to get before you actually get up and do something about it? How low does your self-esteem have to plunge before you change your life? How long before you’re sick of the sound of your own voice making all those excuses?

You have the capacity to achieve great things and your life can be beautiful. I mean, if someone like Donald Trump can become President of the United States, you can muster the energy to start a blog, or build a business, or try a new hairstyle, or audition for that play, or do karaoke, or sort your CV out, or try a new hobby, or ask that boy out, or sign up to evening classes, or get out of bed, or leave the house. You have the capacity to do so much more, but if you’re anything like me much of that capacity is used up with excuses, negative self talk and maybe even a dash of self loathing.

And the more you listen to those voices in your head, the louder they become. Just like the saying “what your focus on expands,” when you focus on all that negative messaging rattling around in your skull it becomes overwhelming, and it takes up so much room, and so much effort. You would do the washing up, but the only way to silence those voices is to have a little sleep. Just for ten minutes. It’s paralysing.

The bad news is that the washing up will still be there when you wake up, as will all those other unfinished tasks you can’t face, and so will the voices. Only now they’ll be louder because you’re feeling guilty about wasting the day by napping, and not doing all those things you would surely do if only [insert excuse here].

But here’s the good news. You don’t need to banish those negative thoughts and voices altogether, just look away for a little bit. If what you focus on expands, then surely the opposite is true. What if you were to focus on something else, just for a few minutes? Maybe, just maybe, those voices will get a little bit quieter.

Maybe you could spend five minutes putting a wash on? And when you’ve done that you could get back to obsessing about why everyone hates you. And when that gets boring perhaps you could spend ten minutes looking through a recipe book for something that looks tasty but easy to cook. And after that you can go back to thinking about how stupid you look in that new dress you wish you’d never bought. And then maybe you can spend an hour cooking that delicious dinner. And after that you can go back to worrying that your latest tweet might make you sound stupid. And then maybe you can Google part time University Courses, or find out how to build an app, or look at charities you can volunteer for, or learn how to sew, or apply for that job you are totally not qualified for but what the hell!

Don’t look now, but how are the voices doing? Are they just a little bit quieter? Have you managed to build up a little bit of momentum so that you can face getting up and getting dressed, and maybe stepping out of the front door, too? And if you can get out the door, can you get to the end of the road? And if you can get to the end of the road can you make it to that job interview? Or to the place where you’re giving a talk about your new app? Or to the swimming pool to find out about adult swimming lessons?

You have the capacity to do more, be more and have more. But when you fill that capacity up with negative self-esteem and self-talk you’ve already hobbled yourself before you’ve got off the starting block. So ask yourself this – is your situation unpleasant enough that you’re ready to change it? Are you prepared to overcome the reasons/excuses that are keeping you stuck there? Is it time to tackle your negative thinking and make space for the positive changes you want to see in your life?

Or are you more comfortable being unhappy?